Don’t lie. We’ve all thought of being a stripper once or twice. Easy cash, mindless work- Sometime’s your real life is just so mind numbingly awful that you catch yourself daydreaming of a more glamorous existence where there’s dollar bills in your underwear and tequila dripping down your face. I know. Growing up is hard.
I’ve decided to list out the pros and cons of being a stripper. Feel free to list your own. If the pro list outweighs the latter, who knows, ladies. We might just be ignoring our life’s very own destiny!
PRO: Sleeping in every morning.
I fucking hate alarm clocks. It is so inhumane to be up at any hour before 8 AM. What am I, a robot?! Strippers don’t have to work at 8 AM.
CON: Night shifts
Though I don’t mind late nights, walking back to your car/subway station alone after a hoard of men just saw you naked sounds like the intro to a horror movie. Things might get a little rapey and we all know every girls number one fear is rapey murder.
Every week I used to work 40 long hours, before I smartened up and became a gypsy. I suffered through abuse and would take orders from depressing “adults” all day, all who led a meaningless, pathetic, workaholic existence, for a paycheck every Friday. And when I saw that paycheck… I imagined that I could work one amateur night and earn about 85% of it.
CON: Mo’ money, mo’ problems
PRO: The Exercise
Pole dancing is actually supposed to be an amazing workout. It promotes core strength and gives one amazing muscle tone. You get to incorporate the gym and your job.
CON: The Exercise
I haven’t worked out since running the mile half-assed freshman year. I’ll barely last 5 minutes up there without dry heaving and needing a water break. Nobody likes a dry heaving stripper.
PRO: Major self-esteem boost
People put dollar bills in your fancy underwear because they think your beautiful, damnit. You might as well be Princess Di, you little harlot.
If my parents ever found out I had become a legit, real-life stripper I would be lined up against the wall and shot, execution style. It would be much easier for me to be a rich, dancing beauty queen if my parents could just be a little less supportive and well adjusted
CON: WWJD/Morally questionable?
What would jesus do :(
So will I become a stripper? Will you become a stripper? Let’s give each other some more pros, people. We need to make this sound okay in our heads. Stay hopeful, dreamers.
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