How do intelligence agencies hire secret agents

4

The National Clandestine Service

To Apply:

The USA's National Clandestine Service is a new branch of the CIA that was officially announced in October of 2005, so you can really get in on the ground floor of this one. They've been eagerly searching for new recruits. Perhaps you've seen the ads on cable.

That's right. The NCS is apparently looking for the average Joe Dirtbiker to serve in a covert group of government spies. According to the ad, it doesn't take much to make the cut. Are you a curious, purposeful patriot? Do the ads for DeVry look like too much reading, and not enough purposeful walking? Then sign on up, brother and we'll have you sitting in a nondescript pizza delivery van outside of Reverend Farrakhan's funeral in no time.

Continue Reading Below

But the CIA isn't only trolling the fertile waters of late night cable audiences. They have a Facebook page too. Astonishingly, the group only has three friends, or at least three friends that you can see.

What You'll Be Doing:

Your new job as an NCS employee may include sexy missions like destroying video tapes depicting Americans "harshly interrogating" prisoners. And if you're really good, you may wind up in the Special Activities Division, sometimes referred to as "The Division of Blowing Shit Up."

They're looking for experts in parachuting, small arms, explosives and hanging off the bottom of helicopters. We believe the first question on the application is, "If you wind up in a life or death situation, and we at the agency disavow your existence, will you try to hunt us down? Y/N (circle one)."